Sunday, December 31, 2017

Sunday's Safe Word Shelf: Trading Tridents by CM Taylor

DecemberCon 2017. John Perlan, aka YouTuber “SmileyNibor,” has come to the con for one reason and one reason only: to see his idol, actor Derek Kitow. And since Derek has announced he’ll be dressed as the original Aquaman, Perlan decides to come as the Aquaman reboot. It helps that he already has the beard and the bod to make a convincing Momoaman.

But when Derek Kitow makes his entrance, he recognizes Perlan from his tiny YouTube channel and wants him onstage! Has Kitow been following him online? Could SmileyNibor’s hero also be a fan? And what exactly does Kitow have in mind by inviting Perlan to meet him after the panel?

A story from the Dreamspinner Press 2017 Advent Calendar collection Stocking Stuffers.

“HOW CAN you cosplay for a movie that isn’t even out yet? How can you?” asked Harry adding a vigorous flourish to the fake tattoo he was inking on my arm.

“It’s a great look for me,” I replied. “I knew I had to try it as soon as I saw it back in Batman v Superman.”

It wasn’t really a great look for me. I don’t have the eyes to pull it off. Mine are brown, not the gray that makes the half-crazed persona of New Aquaman work. But the Chinese website where I’d ordered my Wildly Water Grey contacts let me down. They would probably get here in time for New Year’s, but not in time for DecemberCon.

“No kidding. You’ve been working on that spear-thingy of yours since August. That’s just bad luck, if you ask me. There is no surer way to guarantee that an upcoming movie will completely suck than to cosplay it before it comes out,” said Larry, tightening my plastic pauldron.

Harry and Larry had been my best friends growing up. Still were, mostly. But they had come out together a year and a half ago (that is, together together) and now they were unbearable. Drippy, goofy, finish-each-other’s-sentences, have-no-respect-for-our-woefully-single-bestie unbearable.

“Or that the character that you adored in the preview will be exactly that—Preview Bait. He’ll have four lines that weren’t covered in the preview, and the whole rest of the movie, you’ll spend twiddling your thumbs, waiting for the hotness that you thought was coming to show up on screen. I think you jinxed it,” said Harry.

“There’s no way that a movie that is giving me Jason Momoa dressed like this could possibly suck monkey balls.” I held up the Justice League Aquaman movie poster as evidence.

“Fine. Suck dolphin balls, then,” Larry replied.

“Don’t tell me they screwed up some iconic Aquaman moments. Like that time when he taught an octopus that stealing is wrong,” said Harry.

That was the problem with getting into a comic-related argument with the Arrys. It was like trying to out-geek a Reddit thread.

I had no chance to survive.

Author Bio:
C. M. Taylor was born in California and raised in Houston, Texas. She was raised evangelical and attended a private Baptist school where she was taught the dangers of demons, depravity, Darwin, and Democrats. In that order. She currently lives in Oregon where she has three children who require constant adoration and a house that is largely left to fend for itself. Her domestic skills are poor. Her husband handles the tasks of making money, cooking, and yard work.

She loves all things Final Fantasy (especially VII) and Star Trek (especially Deep Space Nine). Taylor began writing regularly when she discovered fanfiction and realized she had been writing fanfics since grade school. As the fanfiction world is filled with yaoi and crack pairings, the transition to writing LGBTQ+ romance was a logical one. She identifies as pansexual.


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